


If I went and hurt my body would you love me the same?

by c_h_i_l_l



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But it's definitely there, M/M, Other, it's more implied than anything, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28644288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_h_i_l_l/pseuds/c_h_i_l_l
Summary: Remus isn't sure how to deal with this whole having friends things. He's not sure it will last anywayOrJames, Peter and Sirius discover Remus' furry little problem
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 37





	If I went and hurt my body would you love me the same?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. Feel free to comment what you thought about it (alwas kindly and respectfully, thanks).
> 
> The Mature tag it's mostly because there's swearing and brief mentions of blood, so take care of yourself if any of this topics makes you uncomfortable in any way

Oh, didn't Remus love the mornings after a full moon? Yep, he did. They were his favourites days of the month. While he was walking to his bedroom to collapse on his bed, he listed the whys.

a. the pain was _everywhere_

b. he felt annoy by everything and everyone, like being at seconds of ripping a head off.

c. the new scars

d. the wolf accommodating himself to Remus' body once again

e. the sensation of having knifes instead of bones

Of course, there was an f as well, a whole fucking alphabet, but it got lost somewhere on his mind when he found his three best friends instead of an empty bedroom.

Fuck.

A million of question prompted on his exhausted mind. Remus wanted to pass away again, but it wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. He blinked a couple of times and forced himself to read their expressions, unable to point at the weird thing on them. But _it_ was there, looking at him, and he despised it.

_"What are you guys doing here?"_ Remus said hurriedly, his voice slightly shaky. He received silence as an answer, and started to peek absentmindedly the skin on his left thumb "I _ _t's everything alright?"__

Peter seemed to look everywhere but him while Sirius did the exact opposite, watching Remus without bating an eyelash and looking paler than usual. James tried to smile, rather poorly, and then he knew. _Of course_.

This was it, wasn't it? The nightmare that kept him awake almost as frequently as certain boy's smile. They finally saw him for what it was, it was on their faces like the day was long and the winters frozen. The three boys standing in front of him were always too clever for their own safety.

Remus was so sorry, and paralyzed. Remus was just starting to feel at home.

James said something and walked to him, and Sirius grabbed his waist and put him on the bed while saying something as well. What was it? He felt his sensible ears covered with cotton and would've remain like that if it wasn't for Sirius' shiny eyes, covered with fear, possibly of him, taking them off. Then it was his voice.

_"Remus you're bleeding!"_

Was he?

_"Fuck! A healing spell, now, NOW JAMES!"_

_"I don't know, I didn't pay attention. Peter!"_

Yeah. He was. He realized when he lowered his head impossibly slow and saw the red stain growing wider on his right thigh. He did that to himself _with his own teeth._

_"I,I don't..."_

_"I told you!"_

_"Stop yelling!"_

They were freaking out. They were freaking out because of him and Remus couldn't think properly. It didn't hurt anymore, that was cool. It'd be even cooler if he could feel something.

_"Remus, what are you doing?"_

_"I'm sorry"_ He said, his voice surprisingly steady. He didn't think they would hear. He didn't think he would witnessed the day when Sirius and James shut up _"I didn't mean to put you guys in danger, I was..."_ Stupid, selfish and reckless. You were a monster, you **are** a monster _"I'm sorry"_

_"You're shaking"_ Someone said

_"I'm packing"_

_"You're hurt. You need to sit down, okay?"_

He needed to run away and his parents needed to move. It would be his fault once again, and he really needed Sirius to respect his personal space. He needed the wolf to end him, he needed, he needed, he needed.

_"Listen, can you..."_ Sirius' hands were cold when he grabbed Remus' shaky ones. He felt the blood sticky on his leg, spreading _"We won't tell, okay? You're safe, but you..."_

What?

When Remus looked up from the mess of clothes, books and parchment, he saw a beatiful face that used to look at him with complicity and trust. Sirius was smiling, but it wasn't _that_ smile, the one he'd give Remus after a prank properly done or a particulary sarcastic remark. It was something though, small and comforting, altough he still looked very pale while holding his hands. He dragged him to the bed and made him sit. 

He was bleeding and breathing and _still at Hogwarts._ For now.

_"What?"_

_"Stop apologizing"_ James said. He had a hand on his shoulder and they were still there. Why were they still there? _"Because you're our friend, Remus. We wouldn't" He stopped talking and said, after looking at his leg " Fuck, I'll call..."_

_"No"_ He barely managed to say. James was speaking again, and Sirius was as well, obviously, and Peter was just looking at him. What was he trying to see? _"No, it's fine"_

Remus tried to do the healing spell Madam Pomfrey taught him one morning particularly bloody, but the trembling of his hands wouldn't let him. He took a deep breathe and hold it before trying again. Remus made it at the third time, and winced when he felt the skin coming together and the blood finally stopping.

If he stays, which won't happen, Remus bitterly knows, he'll have to find a way to clean that.

_"That seemed really advanced magic"_ Peter breathed, admiration paiting his words and bringing color back to his face. Peter was weird, but Remus found himself relieved at the sound of his voice.

Once the silence fell on the bedroom, Remus tried to think. It was quite and effort, considering that his head was _killing_ him and he still was less than five hours away of the full moon. He never wanted to stop breathing so badly, but it wasn't the time to mope like the mess he surely was.

Okay. James, Peter and Sirius didn't tell anyone. If they had, he'd currently be in a train with destiny either to his home -less likely- or the Ministry, where he would be... how to put it? Private of his liberty indefinitely.

Why didn't they tell?, it echoed on his blank head making it impossible to do another question. There wasn't anything else. What if they didn't know and all this mess was for nothing? Maybe they just wanted to talked about a last minute prank or something like that and he had just fucked it up really bad.

_"I think we need to talk"_ James said carefully, as usually being the voice of the reason. There wasn't disgust or accusation on his tone, or Remus was too in denial to notice it.

_"And I think"_ Sirius said, putting and arm around Remus' shoulders and pushing him closer to him. Remus was anything less than shocked _"Remus needs a bathroom and pants without his own blood on them"_

_"What is it?"_ Remus asked. He didn't care about the blood or the pain or anything else, anything new. He needed to be sure. Maybe he still could fix it and the silence was driving him crazy _"Just tell me"_

_"Your furry little problem"_ James said it almost like a single word. He made eye contact with Remus all the time _"We know"_

The Marauders will laugh at that way to approach the subject, sure, but in that moment nothing seemed more far away for Remus. He couldn't breathe, or maybe he could, because words somehow made their way out.

_"You can't tell anyone"_ Remus said, He stood up to see the three puzzled faces and _make them understand, please_ _"I'll go and you'll never see me again, I promise, but you can't tell anyone, okay? Please, I'm so..."_

_"Mate, what..."_

_"Shut up!"_ He doesn't remember screaming at them before and apparently neither did they, because the room fell silent again _"Just shut up a second. You, you didn't deserved sharing room with a monster all this time. I'm very sorry, and you don't have to do this for me. Anything at all, I shouldn't be asking after everything that happened but please, you can't tell anyone. I promise I'll leave, okay, just give me... Fuck"_

He started crying somewhere between all that pathetic rambling, and keep talking seemed impossible now. Remus felt hollow, and the certanity of being the disappointment his mother insisted in denying he was was tearing him apart. For one small moment, he thought he could make it. He actually allowed himself to think about a future when he got graduated and maybe live past twenty five.

Maybe... But it wasn't there anymore. There was nothing but darkness, blood, moonlight and being hunted. He didn't have anyone, he never did.

_"Hey"_ Suddenly there were arms around him and sounds of consolation _"It's okay, you're okay, and you're not going anywhere"_

_"Get off me"_ He ridiculously sobbed, trying to get away of Sirius' embrace. He was making a fool of himself while he was _right there_ , caressing his back and calming him and being a friend. Sirius was making things way harder of how they should be, as usual.

_"Listen to_ me _now, okay?"_ Sirius let him go a bit, with both of his hands in Remus' quivering shoulders, trying to keep him in place _"Of course we won't tell anyone, because we don't want you to go. You're a nerd who doesn't sleep enough and eats surprisingly fast and has secrets you'll never tell, and that's fine. You're all those things and more than that, and_ not _a monster. You aren't even close to being scary Lupin, seriously"_

_"You have no idea what you're talking about"_ Remus whispered, looking right at his stormy eyes for the last time before turning around to look at James and Peter _"Any of you, and you wouldn't say all that bullshit if you knew"_

_"Enlighten us"_ James said, running a hand through his hair. Remus furrowed his eyebrows

_"What?"_

_"Yeah"_ Sirius pat his shoulder and sat next to his best friend, smiling rather calmly and _fuck them, didn't they get it?_ " _Tell us Remus, what's so scary about you?"_

_"No, it's not..."_

_"I mean, you're a right idiot once a month, that's the most scary I've ever seen you. Can't even look at your direction without you screaming at me"_

_"Shut up James, it's way..."_

_"More complicated? Worse?"_ Remus nodded, unable to believe them and their lack of fear. The fact that they weren't taking the literal werewolf seriously wasn't any less than a surprise

_"We don't care Remus"_

_"But you must!"_ He yelled. He passed his hand for his cheeks to dry them, needing to release a little bit of frustration and a little something else bubbling on his stomach. Remus hoped he didn't suddenly throw up at any second _"I'm a dark creature, okay? I'm dangerous. It's literally part of the study program learn how to recognize and kill werewolves, and you know all the gastly things they would do to their best friends if they crossed their way. It's not funny, or cool or whatever the fuck you think it is. You aren't safe around me!"_

_"We've sleeping in the same room for two years"_ James said _"And the only threat to our lives so far has been Sirius' snorting"_

_"Excuse_ you, _you aren't a fucking..."_

_"Besides"_ James interrupted, and looked at Sirius and Peter before he spoke again, like daring them to argue _"You aren't_ it, _okay?"_

Remus tried to undestand. He failed.

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well, yeah, once a month you turn into a wolf"_ That was an understatement, but they didn't need the details and Remus would rather die than talk about the full moons _"But you're still Remus. You're our friend, who happens to be a werewolf"_ Peter laughed nervously, more of a high pitched noise than a laugh, and Remus didn't like him the second that noise lasted _"But you aren't_ the _wolf, you know what I mean?. It's just a part of this awesome mate Remus Lupin is"_

Remus hadn't recovered from that punch on the throat when Sirius threw another one.

_"And who cares about the program?"_ He said like it was that simple, making it look simple. He was smiling and looking more like himself _"We'll do great on that test, that's for sure"_

Oh, Remus wanted so many things at the same time. Especially laugh, now that his chest wasn't glued to his back anymore. He fell in love with Sirius in that precise moment, but wouldn't realize it for years and years of stolen glances and unwilling blushes. He swallowed.

_"You can't..."_ Remus shook his head " _You guys really mean all that?"_ He asked in a whisper, as trembly as he felt his legs and heart and _everything._

He still didn't believe all that was happening, and he strongly hoped the shock would pass and let him feel again.

_"Of course we do, you terrifying dark creature"_ Remus' laugh was watery and shone with relief. Minutes ago, he was sure he wouldn't laugh ever again.

This whole new concepts of 'friendship' and 'home' didn't sound so foreign as the Marauders surrounded him with their warm embrace.


End file.
